A Friday Night Lights Record Setting Performance…Bar None!
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by user LastRow
It’s not too often high school football has an earth shattering event that is so newsworthy. Now I know, all the gurus who study these prospective prospects would disagree with that statement, but um guys, once and a while you can come out of your dark film room…You know, come back and join society for a while. High School football is undoubtedly football at its purest sense…And thus, maybe that’s why some people aren’t turned on to it? The fact that most anybody can play it…Well, to those peeps, I say “You Suck!”. That’s the whole concept behind this brand of ball…GOSH, IDIOTS! Nothing to play for except the love of the game…With the real lucky ones having opportunities to play for state titles & the really good players having abilities to break records along the way before heading off to play at the college level.
Now, what do I know about Mr. Paul McCoy? About as much as I know about how the whole BCS computer system works…Nothing! Although wait, if I convert this into a whole strip club scene here…Well then, I do know he knows what it’s like to be eyed at, drooled over, sweet talked, pampered…While he does his thing and gives all Division I football coaches around the country a gigantic hard-on. Gotta love that stripper life…Shake what your momma gave ya Paul. This past Friday night he was shakin it for all to see. What does a number line of 69, 1, 52, 56, 52, 20, 31, 84, 87 and 25 yards. For most kids at this age, it’s just another domain of numbers that somehow fit into a very useless algebraic equation in Mrs. Buttaface last period class of the day where X = 658/29. Get it? Most likely not, since all you out there aren’t giving the Butta the respect she deserves.
This past Friday, Paul McCoy ran for 477 yards on his touchdown runs yards alone (Touchdown Domain = [69, 1, 52, 56, 52, 20, 31, 84, 87 and 25 yards]) in Matewan's 64-0 win over Burch. Yes, your math is correct, there’s 10 numbers there. Ten scores…I’m guessing Burch is some kind of Deaf & Blind school or did the Oakland Raiders want to play a tune-up game before facing the Cleveland Browns? Great defensive coordinator or perhaps he’s deaf & blind…Hey buddy, I think they just handed off to Paul again & he scores again. He would’ve scored an 11th time, but some numbnuts was called for holding…It was only another 77 yard run, DAMN YOU FAT OFFENSIVE LINEMAN! Ironically, this wasn’t what all the buzz was over…No, McCoy's 10 touchdowns would tie him with two others for the second most nationally. The record is 12 set by Ken Pearson of Hugo, Colo., in 1930. Is Ken still alive? I would like to pick his brain on what high school football in the 1930’s was all about.
Besides running for 477 yards on touchdowns, he also sprinkled in an additional 181 yards just because he’s a swell guy & incredible teammate. So the final score was 64-0 and Paul scored 10 touchdowns…I know what X equals Mrs. Buttaface. It equals “The kicker for Matewan pretty much SUCKS or in West Virginia High School the kicker is optional…One of the two? That’s the hidden storyline here…I think my 80-year old grandfather might’ve made more PAT’s? The number 29…Now that’s stands for Paul’s carries on the night. Lets see, 29 carries, 658 yards, & 10 touchdowns for Paul McCoy…Not too shabby! As he breaks the previously held national record for rushing (619) previously set by Ronney Jenkins of Oxnard, Calif., by 39 yards. Which leads me to this. When we think of high school football “hotbeds”, we think of Florida, Texas, & California…Not West Virginia. In thinking of West Virginia, the few things that come to mind are partying, coal mining, and hillbillies. This isn’t the typical mecca of high school. So what’s more astonishing…The 658 yards on 29 carries, or the fact that this record fell, (McCoy's yardage will have to be verified before it becomes official…Have to call Guinness to investigate) out in the middle of nowhere for lack of a better term?
Rich Rodriguez where you at? Probably in line waiting to get into this strip club, so you can join all the other coaches in America slobbering & spraying fluids all over the place, worse than a new born baby, trying to get a glimpse of this freak. Although, shouldn’t you have a VIP Card to get you to the front of the line on this one…This is your home state right? I guess for football coaches, a running back who is averaging 364 yards per game, has 1,820 rushing yards and 26 touchdowns so far this season is far more attractive than that dumb blonde, with fake melons, who has the ability to ride a pole like no other…Or perhaps this is just only because it’s in the state West Virginia? Do they even have strip clubs in those parts. Do honkeys even enjoy watching naked woman…I guess if they’re under the 200 pound plateau, and have more than 10 teeth in their head?
Although it’s not too often when we have an opportunity, no matter at what level, against what kind of football competition this was against, the fact remains this was one hell of an accomplishment. They’re going to be naysayers out there who think this is totally wrong for a single player to reach ridiculous numbers such as these…Questions will be raised, how come he wasn’t taken out of the game. Here’s the thing, it’s not like Burch didn’t know what was coming…How about man up! The opposing team has a responsibility too, you know…No matter what the talent level discrepancies are! I don’t think for an individual that has those kinds of sick stats on the season went unnoticed all week during practice, do you? After all, this is still football right? I just wish I had Paul McCoy on my fantasy team! That equation is easy: Paul McCoy + Fantasy Football = A WIN ALL THE TIME! Watch out for Paul to bring his outstanding running services to a campus near you!
LastRowSports.com
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Date
Sun 10/01/06, 3:16 pm EST
