A Couple of Hooligans Discovered at Yale…Yes, Yale!

by user LastRow

It’s not too often we hear news coming out of the Ivy League for any reason at all…When there is, it shouldn’t go unnoticed. Student-Athletes of the respective institutions in this prestigious league work their tailfeathers off in & out of the classroom…And what do they get, how about no glory. Now there’s some gratitude for you.! Well here at LastRowSports.com we would like to shine to spotlight down on a couple of members of the Yale football team & hockey team and make sure they get the proper recognition they truly deserve. At least for a day or so, maybe they’ll get noticed in my sports scuttlebutt. Yale, has already taught me something…Why, they have hockey…Learn something new everyday. Wow, why I feel 10 times smarter than when I began writing this piece. Wow, Yale does actually make you smarter!

In the quiet town of New Haven, Conn., (well, I’m assuming it’s quiet…Haven’t really heard of any earth shattering news coming out of those parts), when a fight breaks out between two of Yale’s football players, (including the starting quarterback) & three Yale hockey players, why now you’re talking about front page news in New Haven. Speaking of shattering, these five Yale hooligans had the audacity to shatter a window at the Gourmet Heaven on Broadway during their little girl cat fight. Now I ask you where else can one find a good ole fashion college beat down between athletes from the same university taking place outside a downtown market dubbed Gourmet Heaven located on Broadway? I hope nobody damaged his or her Gucci leather fanny sacks in this little tiff! Damn, just please tell me that brand new Tommy Sweater that retails $120 didn’t get damage either? TRAVESHAMMOCKERY! Let me guess, somebody cut in front of somebody in line while standing in line for an espresso. That always seems to get the undies in a bunch! See, this is why you must not go into Starbucks alone…It’s best to use the buddy system in these instances. Can never really be too sure what kind of effects one may suffer from when ordering a double or even a triple shot espresso. It’s almost at a point now where Starbucks is going to have to put a “Breach of Peace” along with criminal mischief warning labels on all their cups! “The Contents in this Container Might Make Some Weak Individuals Breach the Peace Causing Criminal Mischief When Over Exceeding Caffeine Intake Limits.”

Now if this isn’t a distraction for the Bulldogs who are trying to put all their focus into the all important Dartmouth on Saturday, I don’t know what is. And we thought the Dallas Cowboys ad distractions with She-O last week. Sounds like Yale might be in the need for a good publicist to defect all the unnecessary attention…All of us know where there is a great one to be had, don’t we? She’s the best of the best in her profession! Maybe somebody can try to reach Terrell Owens to get her contact information…On second thought that’s a bad idea, he seems to have a problem getting text messages.

On a brighter note, both Bulldog football players (starting quarterback Matt Polhemus & running back Mike McLeod) are expected to play against the Big Green on Saturday…(Big Green, now there’s a mascot for you…What, that was the best you smart people could come up with? Big Green, What? Dookie?). So here we have two student-athletes arrested & charged in a crime for their little cat fight displayed on Broadway and they get to play on Saturday…Where’s the justice here? To think people say the Ivy League is different. This decision wouldn’t have nothing to do with the fact that McLeod was the Ivy League's offensive player of the week. He ran for 172 yards and three touchdowns in the team's 37-34 win over Lafayette last Saturday. Or how about because Polhemus has thrown for 489 yards and rushed for 139 in leading the Bulldogs to a 2-1 start this season. So how might this be any different from a big-time college program? Star player(s) cause ruckus and get off with a slap on the wrist, or in severe cases they’re sent over in the corner for a timeout and required to seek counseling for their Starbucks abuse. You’re not any different that the hooligans who suit up from the Miami Hurricanes down in Coral Gables. Although instead of cat fights at the Gourmet Heaven on Broadway with Gucci leather fanny sacks, it’s just the typical “pull out the glock and shoot somebody in the ass” drive by shooting. Yale, get the lead out of your ass (no pun intended) stop pretending, you’re no different than any of the rest!

Enjoy the weekend, and stay off all Dirt Roads…THEY’RE ALL DEAD ENDS TO THE POINT OF NO RETURN!

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