AGM Web Commercial - Dr. Commento's Greatest Edits

Meg, do you like it raw? Or are you just a big O.D.B./Lil' Baby Jesus/Osiris fan?

O.D.B. is my boy. May he rest in peace.

I'm partial to the Rza and Genius, but with my Ray-ness and having met Aki a few times, I had to put that song in...

Greatest Hits Vol. 2 should feature something from Liquid Swords? Hilarious video!

Livan (Hernandez) In the World Today?

Favre Chamber?

The songs would be easier than the titles. Dude is one of the best word crafters ever. Yes, ever.

Do you feel lucky?

Exactly. Somebody sign me already!!! I write more songs than articles!!!

"All profits"? Woe, woe, woe. You knwo I'm unemployed with mouths to feed, right? (I'm no Latrell Sprewell here)

Besides, obviously you aren't aware of how the music biz works. Ever heard of the words "percentage points"? If he sells some CDs for me, he can get a cut, if he gets me signed/sell my label to a major label I'll definitely give him a cut. If he wants to spit some fire on the mic, he'll get a cut... But so far, it's a solo project. If he wants to face the lawyers concerning the issue of some samples possibly being uncleared and/or unauthorized, then this project was ALL HIS IDEA!

Without a doubt, I'll let him star in a video with some honeys chillin' by a hot tub...

It's funny 'cause it's true... (The "original" version was about my buddy Ian, but it works so much better when I "rip-off" my own song and make it about D.J.)

True, but it is benefitting us.

If I had too much time, I'd actually learn the lines better and record more than the first take. As a songwriter, I'm crazy insane quantity/demo quality at best. by the way - I normally DON'T record sports-themed songs, spoofs or cover tunes. But I'm ready to sell out...

Earworms typically are not considered a "benefit". But thanks, Hapskin!

I almost wish I was... I have Thomas the Train on in one room and Extreme! Home Makeover - so in other words, it's not Dad's turn.

I'm having the "depression" setting in. First off, I don't have a job. But it's not like I've tried looking, so I'm not blaming anyone (yet). But more importantly, the days are shortening, the moon is waning, I'm feeling fat from 3 of the last 4 days of Giving Thanks and how much it sucks that everyone throws away the turkey guts (I only got ONE heart, ONE liver and no gizzards from 5 birds the same week they show a Bizarre Foods marathon on Travel Channel?!!?!)and my e-friends mail me shocking videos while I think about the many friends I've already lost to suicide (I need to write a book) and how I could have done it more dramatic than any of them (and it's a high bar - see:book). But now I don't even want to die even though that's the only thing that will rid my soul of it's sadness (even though I am one of the happiest dudes you'll meet). Maybe I'm "bi-polar" on top of being ADHD or whatever is popular with the medicated. Maybe life has just been very, very interesting to me and I happen to be taking a different road through life than most... I just paid attention to too many details and not enough of the Big Picture.

And now you're letting me know I'm a loser because I can't watch something I probably really want to and would enjoy?

I'm just a little happy to be alive today. I fell asleep while driving home last night. I (for the first time in 5 days!) was completely sober. Oddly enough, I was listening to Kanye West at the time. I felt inspired to get a "little" of my music "out there" instead of doing nothing with it. I had the idea to do this sort of thing MONTHS ago and I did a ton of filming then. I recorded most of the songs as sound checks etc. - I even asked DNL months ago if it was "cool" for me to besmirch the "chair with some hip-hop. He provided the vision for the idea for Roblefko's Got a Sawed Off. I'm really, really AWESOME at procrastination - Watch out in a couple months, Music.wikia!!!

This morning I felt I had to get it done or else. It's not serious; there's already too many of those moments in life.

It's a weird cycle but writing what was got me into music, which is what made me a "writer". Dues Paid or BUST!!! BTW - Thanks for the e-mail, Dave. (insert smarmy emoticon here)

P.S. - Where I come from, a rooster is called a "cock"

I forgot the punchline on the "depression" - NO baseball. AFL is over (inject sad, yearning emoticon here) I'm not perking up about the Suns until the Marion+Hill+picks for Bryant trade goes down >Dec 15th (the day the Suns can deal Hill)

Damn, Dude! I was asking if you were seeing the game, that's all. Read the email for the rest.

I've been called a cock more than once...

Hey, they don't call me Noah Stiles.

Extreme Home Makeover was interesting tonight. Although that's probably only b/c it was my Football Coaches' family.

I didn't say I was watching it. I just said it was on.

Someday, I'll tell you the tale of that Red Hawaiian shirt, the Playboy Club at the Palms and Chuck Liddell.

Sweetness

If I wasn't just a little scared of Hunter S Thompson's ghost...

The song is about midget tossing but oddly enough, it's extremely politically incorrect.

I didn't want to have to use Three Times a Brady, just be glad I threw a Mariotti reference in there, it's not really my style - we could do a whole "Briggs and Strapon" album sometime. Have some people get some people for me to have so you can call my people. (insert sly-flavored emoticon here)

whoops, wrong article. M'bad

"Let's get lost tonight.

You can be my white Randy Moss tonight

Play reciever, I'll give it a toss tonight.

I don't give a damn if you can catch it right? Awesome."

it's what I sing to my son when Kanye's Stronger plays...

Screw those bastards at the Credible Club. They just won't ban me...

"all manny, not you"

My precious time thanks you for a short article :).

I'm glad there aren't more smart asses on this site. All of the big heads would be dangerous.

As opposed to the "holier than thou" egos we have running around?

Exactly.

I'm surprised we've lasted this long.

I'm the only guy you know whose Fathead is smaller than life size. I give my tight fitting hats to Kanye West. It's so big, I gotta pay roaming charges when I think to myself. My brainstorms air on the Weather Channel. And my ego aw, man - (sings) Did you ever know that I'm my hero? The only reason I know I'm not perfect is because I don't get enough time to enjoy myself.

You kill me! Kind of like a suicide in a holding cell, but not as final.

Manny Stiles, putting Barry Bonds' head to shame since he could create rational thought.

I'm glad I'm not holier than thou (cough, cough call me "Reverend", cough, cough). I'm a scumbag, I won't be shamefully self-denying about it

How much have you made off that title, recently? Certainly not enough work to keep you from posting this article.

I honestly wear a 7 7/8 hat and sometimes they don't even fit. Fitted hats are a bitch to find.

When my hair grows out a bit some of my hats are unbearably unconfortable.

My ego is big because I have an awesome wife, two amazing kids, plus I'm intelligent, funny and extremely, almost overly well endowed.

(I'm just kidding - my ego isn't really that big, it's just for show but the rest is all true)

I did a wedding for friends in exchange for free liquor but didn't drink (I was driving) and went to an Arizona Fall League game and met Frank Robinson instead. It's all in the archives, geez! I need more obsessed readers...

On the plus side, I haven't done a pet funeral in months. I also do tarot readings on the side. And I'm getting a little rusty with the tattoo needle. Need some ink?

Oh, I read and knew about that. But, has it generated a full-time job yet?

(not actual rust... it's a colloquialism)

Depends on how much you charge.

Because at $3 a gallon, it's going to cost an arm and a leg to get to AZ. Then my options of tattoo placement will be getting slimmer. Aha aha.

Well, tattoos on the groinal or "junkal" region don't hurt as much as you'd think they would. But don't sell your junk for gas money. Crack or heroin, sure... but not gas. Tattooing isn't as hard as the "pros" make it seem. Especially if you have quality gear. Great tools make better creations. It's doodling with a cooler pen.

You've calmed my fears about getting that elephant head tattoo on my lower stomach.

the closer you are to center of your body - directionwise, not the actual center -(the "On My heart like a Tattoo" song cracks me up - you'd have to stop it from beating to apply it), the less painful it is generally...

Ever heard the "Legend of Shorty"? Shorty used to own a bar in New Mexico when he was younger and it was a wild biker bar that had a reputation for carnal doings. Anyway, ole' Shorty would come into a bar I frequented near Carefree, Arizona. He was in his 60's but looked like he was in his 80's - he'd lived a HARD, FAST life.

Well, he'd come into the bar and he was a scrawny sucker with a grizzled, white scruff and saggy trousers. He'd get liquored up and if there were ladies present, he'd just drop trou and yell out "Ladies, who's taking a ride on Shorty?"

And he'd whip it out! And he had a tattoo that said "Shorty" on it!!@!!!

Well anyway the girls would see that and laugh but there was always a couple girls who sure enough - take Shorty home.

I couldn't believe it! I mean, I was single then and hadn't met my wife yet and I had lost faith in all of womankind because I was striking out and here I was; stacking paper and being young and fun. An old guy with "Shorty" tattooed on his dick gets handfuls of 7's and better. I couldn't figure it out.

Well, I was in that bar again (BTW - It's a big Steelers bar, which is kind of annoying...) and I saw one of the girls that Shorty took home once and I asked her. "So what is so great about this "shorty" guy? I mean he has a tattoo that says 'Shorty' on his dick.

She turned to me and bluntly said "No, it says 'Shorty's Bar and Grille, Best Biker Bar Anywhere Near the Continental Divide 222 Northwest Hossenfeffer Boulevard, Albuquerque New Mexico 87119 (505) KL7-5309' on his dick..."

Yet know one has asked me why I remembered the address?? You guys are all amateurs...

"You can't spell shameless without the ability to spell." - Shaman E. Stileless

The stench of pinstripes... HOLLLLLER!