The ESPYs Are The Universe's Most Stoopidest Thing Ever
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by user DNL
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| more "on the DL" opinions |
It's that time of year again, when ESPN tries to ram down our collective throats its mindnumbingly awful idea: The ESPYs. You know, it's the place where Chris Berman gets to wear a leather tuxedo (proving once again, he's in love with himself), as ESPN tries to determine what, apparently, couldn't be determined on the field: Who is good.
Idiotic.
Sports, with rare exception (see figure skating, gymnastics, and some other contests), provide us with an objective victor. Two baseball teams play and the winner is the one with the most runs. Sixty-five teams enter the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament; the only one to not lose is the champ. The car or horse or athlete that finishes the race first wins.
We don't need no stinkin' election. In fact, we don't like them -- the sports that involve judges and their scorecards are the ones most often inundated with corruption and scandal.
This is similarly true for awards shows. The Academy Awards/Oscars are rife with allegations of payola and politicking. American Idol has to hire teams of auditors to ensure its sanctity. The very nature of these contests makes them ripe for such ills, as one can easily attempt to buy the favor of the voters or vote counters. (The ESPYs would have similar problems alleged, if anyone cared about them.) Of course, in most cases, there is no way to determine, objectively, who or what is the best of the bunch, so a subjective method is acceptable.
But for ESPN, the problem is even worse. Giving awards to the people you are supposed to be critical of -- as journalists are -- is the easiest way to strain your credibility. Barry Bonds has four ESPYs, including 1994 Male Athlete of the Year. That doesn't enter into ESPN executives' minds as they decide whether to investigate steroid allegations involving Barry.
Right?
Date
Mon 06/26/06, 8:51 am EST
