(Some) Black people need to stop these nonsensical Vick defenses.
| 23
|
by Bernard9119
Bernard McShaughnessy
You know it's a weird week when a guy gets eaten by bears -- and called "an idiot" for it -- a woman gets raped and murdered by her pet camel and one of the planet's biggest athletes pleads guilty to murdering dogs and running an organized crime syndicate with the goal of setting up instances in which dogs murder each other for the sake of betting on which dog will do the murdering.
Basically, the theme is -- when humans and animals interact, one of them is getting raped, murdered, eaten or bet on ... or maybe all four ...
I've got my eye on you, Marmaduke.
Anyway, back to my favorite subject -- the nonsense that won't die -- Mike Vick being jailed.
Bern is going through another one of those insufferable sports talk radio phases and it seems like life has become an exercise in slamming my head against the wall for eight hours each day because of it ... that and the fact that my job is about as scintillating as watching monkeys masturbate onto a tree branch ... actually, I think the monkey jerk-off session wins that battle.
Digressions aside, many, many black people have been calling in to these shows to explain why the evil white man has conspired to incarcerate Michael Vick for his blackness.
Yesterday, one dude called in from Harlem -- here we go again, the radio host and I simultaneously think -- and said something like, "in this country, if it's white, it's right -- white people all go huntin' and that ain't illegal ..." and he then rambled for another 2-3 minutes without making any valid points and while, of course, not listening to any reason, whatsoever.
Wow ... incredible ... a Ku Klux Klansman then called Klan headquarters to explain that their long and arduous search for a new motto had finally ended with, "if it's white, it's right."
Getting back to Vick, today Stephon Marbury echoed our Harlem friend's point by saying (in reference to the Vick situation), "We don't say anything about people shooting deers and shooting other animals, you know what I mean?"
Deers.
Aside from being an absolute lunatic, Starbury is also a master of pluralization!
Anyway, hearing this abhorrently flawed point of view roughly fifty times in the last 36 hours prompted me to scream confounded gibberish at the Star Wars rock band printout that hangs on my cube wall.
When I was done giving my prized printout the business, I apologized, kissed it ever so gingerly and decided to write this blog that is happening right now ... although, by the time you are reading this it won't be right now ... it will be the future ... basically, Bernard is capable of time travel.
Boo-yah!
And we're back -- the thing that gets ol' Bern so fired up in regard to the aforementioned ridiculously stupid argument is one thing -- HUNTING SERVES A REASONABLE AND LEGAL PURPOSE!
I don't hunt and there is a 99.9% chance that I never will, but -- despite the fact that actual hunters have myriad reasons for wanting to kill stuff -- people are only allowed to hunt, legally, because it serves the purpose of thinning the populations of certain animals.
Mike Vick killed 8 dogs over six years. You can't kill dogs. It's against the law.
You also can't kill bald eagles.
If I had, over six years, shown a malicious and repeated penchant for killing bald eagles -- to the point that I electrocuted or drowned eight of them, while holding them in captivity -- you can bet your prized fighting dog that I would get at least 18 months in jail, despite the fact that I am white.
I would probably get like 5 years in jail.
Which leads me to my another point, regardless of what his crime was, Vick knew dogfighting was illegal and he set up an organized crime machine to function below the radar of the justice system -- whether he was fighting dogs, or selling crack, he organized an illegal operation and doesn't freaking matter that certain black people might not think dogfighting should be illegal.
It's illegal -- that is that.
I don't really think Marijuana should be illegal, but if I was found to be running an organized operation to sell it -- including the purchase of an entire house at which to run the operation -- and was caught/found to have been running said operation for six years, I would not go into the courtroom with a defense of, "but I just don't think that weed should be illegal, your honor, so I'll be leaving, now -- cool?"
All these enraged black people also act like the dude is going to be locked down for the rest of his life ... it is:
Eighteen. Damn. Months!
The dude is lucky as Hell -- he had the best attorneys money could buy and they saved him a lot of trouble.
I can almost guarantee you that there is some WHITE trash hillbilly in some random Alabama prison doing like six years on animal fighting charges, because he got stuck with some hayseed, legal aid attorney who got his degree from Mortimer's Law School for Ignorant Simps, over the Internet.
So forgive me if I seem like a racist, but I am sick of this obtuse BS that I only hear from black people -- I'm sure some white people think it, too, and I personally know black people who do not think it.
I'm just saying ... that I probably shouldn't listen to sports talk, anymore.
Berndeers.
p.s. This article can be viewed, with images and obscenities, at my site -- The Life And Times of Bernard.
